he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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