I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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