Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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