If i come over, it means nothing
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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