Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
