WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
