My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
