i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
