why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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