Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
