Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
