talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
