dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
