Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
