I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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