I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
