Define "chronic" masturbator.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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