I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
