Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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