God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
