next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
