the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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