Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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