This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
