Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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