someone threw a dead crab at me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
two words...techno handjob
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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