I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
