didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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