whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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