I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
