Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When are your genitals available?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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