Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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