I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
