My room smells like vodka and shame
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
