Buhtt sex?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
