you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
