made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
