all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
