The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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