i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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