just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
