I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
