i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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