Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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