there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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