I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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