I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Say something about gay babies.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I could fuck to npr.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
