I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
