first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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