Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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