i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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